O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize