On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
