The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
