remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
