When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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