Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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