A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
