hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize