This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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