As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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