If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
