I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
