my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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