It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
tell me about the fingering
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
