Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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