So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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