So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize