There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
