I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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