Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize