I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
