No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize