I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
