I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
