mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
