which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
