Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
