Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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