I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
