Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
