If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
