she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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