ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
