i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
