She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
