I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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