Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
