he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
