Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
