...so i touched it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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