This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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