I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
