moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
