Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
