My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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