remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize