His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
