More tranny stories later!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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