im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
