Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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