ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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