So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
