You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
