By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
