Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize