I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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