I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
