sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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