What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
