she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
