i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
