Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
