i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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