she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i believe in u and ur pee
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
