Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
