The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
