i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you didnt know i had herpes?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
