The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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