just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
