wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
