At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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