My room smells like vodka and shame
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize