yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
