If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
