can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
