You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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