the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
