Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize