Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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