I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
