you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
