dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
