but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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