We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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