i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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