He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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