well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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