Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize