soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so much tequila, so little girl.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
