He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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