After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
wanna go halves on a baby?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
