anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
