I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
