I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
