My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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