Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
