I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
