I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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