What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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