See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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