who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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