cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
